Questions to Get to Know Someone: 267 Amazing Picks (2026)

Most lists of questions to get to know someone dump 200 prompts in random order and wish you luck. That’s how you end up asking a near-stranger about their biggest fear five minutes after asking their favorite pizza topping. Good conversations don’t work like that. They go deeper one layer at a time, like peeling an onion.

So we built this guide around that idea. You’ll find 267 original questions sorted into five layers, from easy ice breaker questions to deep questions you’d save for a rooftop at midnight. There are ready-made playlists for first dates, coworkers, new friends, partners, kids, groups and texting, plus the Onion Deck, a card tool that draws a question for whoever you’re talking to and lets you peel one layer deeper when the moment is right.

Risograph illustration of two adults laughing at a cafe table with question marks and speech bubbles floating between them, getting to know each other — The best questions to get to know someone start light and go deeper.

Quick answer: The best questions to get to know someone are open-ended, easy to answer and slightly specific, then they get deeper as trust grows. Start with a light one (“What’s one tiny win from this week that nobody noticed?”), move to a story (“What’s a nickname you’ve had, and how did you get it?”), and ask a follow-up every time. Research from Harvard found that people who ask more follow-up questions are better liked.

Draw a card: the Onion Deck

Choose who you’re talking to, pick a layer if you like, and draw. Tap “Peel deeper” to move one layer down, “Follow-up” for a natural next question, or “Copy” to paste it into a text. The deck also shows a fresh question of the day every 24 hours.

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267 questions · 5 layers · no repeats until the deck runs out

The 5-Layer Onion Method

In 1973, psychologists Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor described relationships with an onion metaphor in their social penetration theory: we show the outer layers to anyone, and the inner layers only as trust builds. Closeness grows through both breadth (how many topics you share) and depth (how personal you get), as EBSCO's summary of social penetration theory explains. We turned that idea into five practical layers of questions to get to know someone.

Layer	What you learn	When to use it	Example
1. Surface	Daily life, habits, quick facts	First minutes, any stranger	What drink do you order when you want to treat yourself?
2. Taste	Likes, opinions, playful hypotheticals	Once the small talk feels easy	Which era would you time-travel to just for the music?
3. Story	Memories and experiences	When they're laughing and relaxed	What's a nickname you've had, and how did you get it?
4. Compass	Values, beliefs, what they care about	Longer chats, walks, second meetings	What's a first impression people often get wrong about you?
5. Core	Dreams, fears, what matters most	Real trust, close friends, partners	What's a dream you've never said out loud?

The rule of thumb: go one layer at a time, and only peel deeper when the other person is giving longer answers and asking you questions back. If answers get short, drop back a layer. Relationships can move in both directions, and that's normal.

Layer 1: Easy ice breaker questions (Surface)

These are some of the best ice breaker questions we know: good, low-stakes questions to get to know someone that are still more interesting than "So, what do you do?" Use them in the first few minutes with anyone.

Risograph illustration of two strangers waving hello at a house party snack table, using ice breaker questions to start talking — Layer 1: easy questions to get to know someone in the first few minutes.

1. What's one tiny win from this week that nobody else noticed?
2. What's the first thing you do after you wake up, before you check your phone?
3. When you travel, are you a packing-list person or a toss-it-all-in-a-bag person?
4. What drink do you order when you want to treat yourself?
5. What's a small thing that instantly improves your mood?
6. What was the last thing you bought that you're genuinely happy with?
7. Which app on your phone do you open way too often?
8. What time of day does your brain work best?
9. What's your ideal soundtrack for a gray, drizzly day?
10. Where's the first place in your town you'd take a visitor?
11. What's the last show you binged, and would you recommend it?
12. What's a hidden talent that rarely comes up in conversation?
13. What's a meal you've cooked so often you don't need a recipe?
14. What's a skill you picked up in the last year or two?
15. Which season matches your personality best?
16. What's the best five-dollar purchase you've made recently?
17. Are you team phone call or team text?
18. What's a word or phrase you say all the time?
19. What would you do with a surprise free afternoon today?
20. What's your favorite way to get some fresh air?
21. Which artist or band have you had on repeat lately?
22. Is your phone usually on silent or loud?
23. What's the wallpaper on your phone right now, and why that one?
24. What did you want to be when you were seven?
25. What's the best snack combo you've ever invented?
26. Beach, mountains or city: where do you recharge best?
27. What hobby would you try if it were free and easy to start?
28. How do you like your eggs, if at all?
29. What's a local spot you think is totally underrated?
30. What's a little tradition your friends or family have that you love?

Layer 2: Fun and random questions to ask (Taste)

Random questions to ask once the small talk feels comfortable. They reveal taste, humor and opinions without getting personal, and they're great questions to ask friends too.

Risograph illustration of three friends on a picnic blanket comparing snacks and laughing over fun random questions — Layer 2: fun, random questions that reveal someone's taste.

31. What sound do you find weirdly satisfying?
32. Which movie do you rewatch every year, almost like a ritual?
33. Which fictional world would you actually want to live in?
34. Which popular food do you think is overrated?
35. If you had to eat at one restaurant chain for a year, which would it be?
36. What live show would you fly across the country to see?
37. Which era would you time-travel to just for the music?
38. What's a podcast episode you've recommended to more than one person?
39. If you could instantly become an expert in one random topic, what would it be?
40. What's your karaoke song, even if you'd never actually sing it?
41. Would you rather explore the deep ocean or outer space?
42. What reality show would you be surprisingly good on?
43. Which song have you played the most this year?
44. What's the most "you" item you own?
45. Which movie or video game villain do you secretly root for?
46. What's a trend you secretly love?
47. What's a trend you'll never understand?
48. Which emoji do you use most, and what does it say about you?
49. If you had to start a food truck tomorrow, what would be on the menu?
50. What's your ideal pizza, toppings and all?
51. What's a place you've visited that totally lived up to the hype?
52. What's a place that didn't live up to the hype?
53. Which animal do you think has the best life?
54. What's a food combo people judge you for?
55. Which holiday do you go all-out for?
56. What's a board, card or video game you'll always say yes to?
57. Gas station snack run: what are you grabbing?
58. If you could add one room to your home, what would it be?
59. What job do you think you'd be secretly great at?
60. What's a piece of advice you've happily ignored?

Layer 3: Questions that unlock stories (Story)

Stories are where people come alive. These questions to get to know someone ask for a memory or an experience, so the answers are longer and the follow-ups write themselves.

Risograph illustration of friends around a campfire at night listening as one tells a story — Layer 3: questions to get to know someone through their stories.

61. What's a childhood moment you still remember in vivid detail?
62. What's a trip where something went wrong but it became the best story?
63. When was the last time you got completely lost, and what happened?
64. Who gave you your first real break?
65. When did you last say yes to something without thinking it through?
66. Which teacher, coach or mentor saw something in you early?
67. What's a nickname you've had, and how did you get it?
68. What meal from your childhood would you pay anything to taste again?
69. What's something you did as a teenager that makes you laugh now?
70. When did you last try something for the very first time?
71. Have you ever helped a total stranger in a way you still think about?
72. What's a leap you took that people told you not to take?
73. What's a mistake that turned into a great lesson?
74. How did you meet your closest friend?
75. What's the hardest thing you've ever taught yourself to do?
76. Where was your favorite place to hang out growing up?
77. What's a gift you gave that landed perfectly?
78. What's your most legendary you-had-to-be-there moment?
79. When were you last really proud of yourself?
80. What was the soundtrack of your summers growing up?
81. What's the most memorable celebration you've been part of?
82. Have you ever had a small-world coincidence that blew your mind?
83. What's a skill someone taught you that you still use?
84. What's the closest you've come to a real adventure-movie moment?
85. Where did you grow up, and what was it like?
86. What's a saying from your parents or grandparents that you now catch yourself using?
87. What's a moment you laughed at the worst possible time?
88. What place feels like home to you, even if you never lived there?
89. What's a turning point that changed the direction of your life?
90. What's an adventure you'd love to repeat?

Layer 4: Thoughtful questions about values (Compass)

These questions to ask someone to get to know them show what they care about and how they think. Save them for a longer conversation or a second meeting.

Risograph illustration of two people on an autumn walk deep in a thoughtful conversation about values — Layer 4: thoughtful questions about what someone values.

91. What's an idea you'd defend even if the whole room disagreed?
92. What's something small a friend did that you never forgot?
93. What's a quality you admire that you're still working on?
94. What's a first impression people often get wrong about you?
95. What's a cause you'd give your time to without being asked?
96. How do you decide if something is worth your time?
97. What's a personal rule you live by?
98. How do you measure a good year: money, memories, growth or something else?
99. What's something you've changed your mind about in the last few years?
100. Which matters more to you, being right or being kind?
101. What's a compliment that stuck with you?
102. What kind of people do you feel most yourself around?
103. What's something your family did that you want to carry on one day?
104. What's a family habit you've decided not to continue?
105. What's your reset button when life gets loud?
106. What do your friends tease you about most?
107. What's a small everyday choice you're proud of?
108. When do you feel most confident?
109. What will you always spend money on, and what never?
110. What does a meaningful weekend look like to you?
111. Who do you look up to, and what have they taught you?
112. What's the best way someone can show you they care?
113. What could you talk about for an hour without notes?
114. What's a boundary you've learned to set?
115. What makes a place feel welcoming the moment you walk in?
116. What have you been reading about just for fun lately?
117. What's an opinion you hold loosely and could be talked out of?
118. What does "a good life" mean to you?
119. How do you handle disagreements with people you care about?
120. What's a lesson you wish everyone learned earlier?

Layer 5: Deep questions to ask (Core)

The deepest questions to get to know someone. Ask these when there's real trust, answer them yourself too, and never push. A great deep conversation feels like a gift, not an interview.

Risograph illustration of two close friends sharing a heartfelt conversation on a rooftop under the stars — Layer 5: deep questions to get to know someone you trust.

121. What's a goal you've been quietly working toward?
122. Who or what are you thankful for that you rarely mention?
123. What's a fear you'd like to get past?
124. If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you try next?
125. What do you hope your life looks like in ten years?
126. What part of yourself took the longest to accept?
127. When did you last feel completely at peace?
128. What's a regret that changed how you live?
129. Who has shaped you the most, and do they know it?
130. What do you want to be remembered for?
131. What's a goal that scares you a little?
132. What's a side of you that only comes out with certain people?
133. What has life taught you about trust?
134. When do you feel most like your true self?
135. What would you tell your younger self if you had one minute?
136. What does your ideal ordinary day look like years from now?
137. What's a belief about yourself you had to unlearn?
138. What do you need more of in your life?
139. What's something you'd like to let go of?
140. What's a commitment you've kept even when it was hard?
141. What kind of energy do you want to bring into a room?
142. When have you stood up for something even though it cost you?
143. What gives your life the most meaning?
144. What topic lights you up but rarely comes up in conversation?
145. What about the world keeps you hopeful?
146. Which relationship in your life are you most thankful for?
147. What feels like your purpose right now, even if it's still forming?
148. What's a hard season of life that made you stronger?
149. What would you do with a full year off and no obligations?
150. Which part of who you were at age ten do you want to keep forever?

The follow-up secret: why the second question matters more

A Harvard study of live conversations found that people who ask more questions, especially follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners. In a speed-dating sample, people who asked more follow-ups were more likely to get a second date, as the Harvard Kennedy School summary of the research notes. The reason: follow-ups prove you're actually listening, which makes them the most underrated questions to get to know someone.

The Follow-Up Loop diagram: ask a question, listen for a detail, follow up on that detail, then share your own answer before asking the next question — The Follow-Up Loop: ask, listen, follow up, share back.

Risograph illustration of a person leaning in to listen on a park bench while the other talks happily, showing the power of follow-up questions — Follow-up questions are the secret to getting to know someone.

Steal these follow-ups. They work after almost any answer:

151. Hold on, how did you end up in that situation?
152. What did you feel first: excited, nervous or something else?
153. So where does that leave things now?
154. What part do you still smile about?
155. Did anything about it catch you off guard?
156. If you could redo it, would you change anything?
157. What first pulled you toward that?
158. What keeps you coming back to it?
159. Who were you with when that happened?
160. How did the people around you react?
161. Was it harder or easier than you thought?
162. Is there more to that story?
163. What did that teach you about yourself?
164. Does that still shape how you do things now?
165. What's the toughest part nobody sees?

Question playlists for every situation

Already know who you're talking to? These short playlists of questions to get to know someone are tuned for the moment. Each one mixes layers so the conversation can build naturally.

First date questions

Risograph illustration of a couple on a first date at a candlelit restaurant table leaning in to talk — First date questions that keep it fun and curious.

166. What's on your bucket list that you actually plan to do this year?
167. What does your ideal Sunday look like with nothing scheduled?
168. What's a green flag you notice in people right away?
169. What's a place in this city everyone should experience once?
170. What's the last thing you got completely nerdy about?
171. What do you order when you can't decide what to eat?
172. Do you have a weird talent you're saving for a later date?
173. What do your friends usually come to you for?
174. What's something you've been looking forward to all week?
175. What's your love-it-or-hate-it food?
176. What smell instantly takes you back somewhere?
177. What always makes you feel at home in a new place?
178. What's a hobby you got into that surprised you?
179. If you planned our next hangout, what would we do?
180. What's a fun fact about you that wouldn't fit on a dating profile?

Planning the date itself? Browse our date night ideas.

Icebreaker questions for work

Risograph illustration of coworkers sitting in a circle with coffee mugs doing a fun icebreaker in a bright office — Work-safe icebreaker questions to get to know someone on your team.

181. What's a job you had that taught you something you still use?
182. What part of your work would surprise people outside your field?
183. What's a tool or shortcut that makes your workday easier?
184. What did you almost do as a career instead?
185. What's a mistake at work that taught you the most?
186. Do you prefer feedback quick and direct or detailed and written?
187. What's a piece of your work you'd put in a highlight reel?
188. What's your ideal setup: office, home, coffee shop or somewhere else?
189. What's your lunch-break go-to?
190. What would you teach a 30-minute workshop on?
191. What's the most-used item on your desk?
192. Do you focus better with music or in total silence?
193. What skill would you love to build through work this year?
194. What did you spend your first-ever paycheck on?
195. Which coworker superpower do you most admire?

Questions to ask a new friend

196. What's a yearly trip or ritual you'd love our crew to do?
197. What's the best inside joke you've ever been part of?
198. What's a plan we should make before the end of the year?
199. What's your most passionate opinion about something completely unimportant?
200. What's a book, show or game you'd lend me right now?
201. What hobby would be more fun with a buddy?
202. What's a class or event you'd sign up for if I came too?
203. What's your ideal group trip?
204. What's a small thing friends do that means a lot to you?
205. Who's the unofficial planner in your friend group?
206. If we started a podcast, what would it be about?
207. What would your perfect birthday hang look like?
208. Which neighborhood here would you move to tomorrow?
209. What's the best thing about your neighborhood?
210. Who's the funniest person you know, and why?

Questions to get to know your partner better

Even after years together, there's always another layer. These lean toward Story, Compass and Core.

211. What's a memory from before we met that you wish I'd been there for?
212. What's a small habit of mine you secretly like?
213. What's one thing you'd like us to do more often?
214. What's something I did recently that made your day?
215. What's a dream trip you want us to take someday?
216. What's weighing on you lately that you haven't said out loud?
217. How did your family show affection when you were growing up?
218. What's a new hobby we could learn together?
219. What's something you'd like me to ask you about more often?
220. What's your ideal at-home date with zero planning?
221. What's a moment from our early days you still replay in your head?
222. What's one dream of yours I can help make happen this year?
223. What's a tradition you'd like us to create?
224. When do you feel closest to me?
225. What's something about you that you think I still don't fully know?

Get to know you questions for kids

Risograph illustration of a parent and a curious young child chatting and giggling on a bus — Simple, playful questions kids love to answer.

226. If your stuffed animal could talk, what would it say about you?
227. What was the most fun minute of your day?
228. If you could shrink to the size of an ant for an hour, where would you go?
229. What's the silliest thing you saw this week?
230. If you were in charge of the school lunch menu, what would you serve?
231. What's the coolest thing you learned recently?
232. Did you help anyone today? What happened?
233. If you designed your own playground, what would be in it?
234. What would you cook if you were in charge of dinner?
235. What's something you're really good at?
236. If you could visit any place in the world, where would you go?
237. If you could change one thing about your bedroom, what would it be?
238. Which book character would you want as a best friend?
239. How can you tell when someone is a real friend?
240. What's something grown-ups do that you can't wait to try?

Fun icebreaker questions for groups

Quick enough for a round where everyone answers. Perfect for classes, clubs and team meetings.

241. In one word, how would you describe your week?
242. What's a fun fact about you that no one here knows?
243. What's the best thing you've snacked on lately?
244. Which cartoon character are you most like?
245. What's a random skill you're weirdly good at?
246. If a celebrity narrated your life, who would you pick?
247. What's the last thing you got really excited about?
248. Where would you love to go with this whole group?
249. What song should play when you walk into a room?
250. What's the most unusual place you've ever worked or volunteered?
251. If this group were a band, what would we be called?
252. What's a small win you had this month?
253. What motto would you put on a T-shirt?
254. If you could instantly speak any language, which one would it be?
255. Pineapple on pizza: yes or no, and why?

Get to know you questions over text

Risograph illustration of a woman smiling at her phone on a sofa with colorful chat bubbles floating up — Short, easy questions that work over text.

256. What's made you smile in the last hour?
257. What's the last photo on your phone that made you smile?
258. What song is stuck in your head today?
259. Big weekend plans or full couch mode?
260. On a scale of 1 to 10, how was your day, and why?
261. What's the strangest thing you've wondered about this week?
262. What's a video you've watched more than twice this week?
263. Sweet or salty right now?
264. Anything fun on the plan for tomorrow?
265. If you could teleport anywhere for the next hour, where would you go?
266. What's one tiny thing that annoyed you today?
267. What's your current comfort show?

What the famous 36 questions actually showed

You may have heard of the "36 questions that lead to love." They come from a 1997 study led by psychologist Arthur Aron. Pairs of strangers spent about 45 minutes taking turns on three sets of questions, each set more personal than the last. Pairs who worked through those escalating questions felt much closer than pairs who made small talk, according to the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.

Two lessons carry over to everyday life: closeness comes from gradually going deeper, and both people need to take turns answering. That's exactly why the Onion Deck moves one layer at a time, and why you should answer your own questions too.

Questions to save for later

Some topics are fine eventually but feel intrusive early on. Here's what to wait on, and a friendlier swap you can ask today.

Save for later	Why it can feel too soon	Ask this instead
How much do you earn?	Money feels private and can sound like judging	What would you do with a full year off and no obligations?
Why are you single?	Can sound like you're looking for a flaw	What's a green flag you notice in people right away?
What's your biggest regret?	Too heavy before trust exists	What's a leap you took that people told you not to take?
Who did you vote for?	Can turn a chat into a debate fast	What's an idea you'd defend even if the whole room disagreed?
Do you want kids?	Big life question for a first chat	What does your ideal ordinary day look like years from now?
What happened with your ex?	Invites a long, negative story	What's something small a friend did that you never forgot?

How to get to know someone in one conversation

Use the 5-Layer Onion Method to go from small talk to a real connection in a single conversation.

Total Time: 30 minutes

Open on the Surface

Ask one light, specific question about their day or habits. Skip yes-or-no questions.

Follow the energy

Listen for a detail that makes them light up, then ask a follow-up about that detail.

Trade a story

Move to a Story question and share a short story of your own so it feels like a swap, not an interview.

Peel one layer deeper

If answers are getting longer and they ask you questions back, try a Compass question about what they value.

Know when to stop

Save Core questions for when real trust exists. End on a light note and remember one detail to ask about next time.

FAQ: questions to get to know someone

What are good questions to get to know someone?

Good questions are open-ended and specific, like "What's a meal you've cooked so often you don't need a recipe?" Start light, ask follow-ups and go deeper only as the other person opens up.

What are the best questions to ask to get to know someone quickly?

Story questions work fastest because they invite longer answers. Try "What's a trip where something went wrong but it became the best story?" and then ask a follow-up about the funniest detail.

What are some deep questions to ask?

Try "What's a dream you've never said out loud?", "What has life taught you about trust?" or "What's a belief about yourself you had to unlearn?" Save deep questions for when there's real trust.

What are good ice breaker questions?

Good ice breaker questions are quick and low-pressure, like "What's the best five-dollar purchase you've made recently?" or "What sound do you find weirdly satisfying?"

What is the 5-Layer Onion Method?

It's our way of sorting questions from Surface to Taste, Story, Compass and Core, based on the onion metaphor from Altman and Taylor's social penetration theory. You move one layer deeper as trust grows.

How many questions should you ask on a first date?

There's no magic number. Aim for a balance where you both talk about the same amount, ask follow-ups often, and share your own answers instead of firing off a list.

What questions should you avoid when getting to know someone?

Early on, skip money, past relationships, politics and big life plans. Swap them for lighter questions that reveal the same values more gently.

Do the 36 questions really make people closer?

In Arthur Aron's 1997 study, strangers who answered escalating personal questions together felt much closer than pairs who made small talk. Taking turns answering is a key part of how it works.

What is a good question of the day?

A good question of the day is short and open, like "What topic lights you up but rarely comes up in conversation?" The Onion Deck on this page shows a new one every day.

What are good get to know you questions for work?

Keep them friendly and work-safe: "What would you teach a 30-minute workshop on?" or "Do you focus better with music or in total silence?"

How do you keep a conversation going after a question?

Listen for one specific detail in the answer and ask about it: "Hold on, how did you end up in that situation?" Then share a short related story of your own.

Start peeling

You don't need all 267 questions to get to know someone. You need one good opener, real curiosity and a follow-up. Draw a card from the Onion Deck, ask it, listen closely and let the conversation go one layer deeper when it's ready. Planning a celebration where you'll meet new people? Grab some birthday ideas or a few corny jokes to break the ice.